Loving you is like a battle...

And we both end up with scars...


Vixen told me that Thing 1 and I should just get it in and get it over with. Trust me, I have thought about it... O have I thought about it, but the truth of the matter sometimes after sex I feel some type of way. I don't want a repeat situation of Number 1. I knew better than to even go down that road...

The last couple of days have been really difficult for me... I feel like a kid with ADHD, my attention is not fixed on any one thing. I want to focus on things, but there is so much stuff going on that I can't just focus on one thing at a time. So here is the thing, Number 2 is going to get his own little story so I will reserve that for later. I don’t really know what the situation with that is, and I am not ready to deal with it right now, as immature as that sounds I am not ready.

Thing 1 is well, I want him in my life, but at the same time, I don’t. He is the type of guy you are intrigued by and want to know more about. At the same time he puts you at arm’s length, and doesn’t want you to get too close. I don’t know how to deal with him, so I just don’t. I like/liked him as much as I hate to admit it, it’s true. I sometimes revert to my inner female and read too deeply into situations. True enough we had an insane evening a few weeks back, but that is where it ends. That’s all that is ever going to be, because I look at his statuses on facebook ( lol… I’m not stalking, they pop up in the mini-feed) and he is always referring to “Her”… Who the Eff is she? Because He says things that can not possibly be in reference to me(or are they?), so I’m thinking in my mind “ He a hoe ass nigga”… cuz if this chick is oh so important, why are you getting with me? And not on some light weight stuff, I’m talking about crazy sexual energy. More so, than I have ever experienced in my 21 years…I mean last weekend we were supposed to get together, but… I still have that thing about being a jump off, and I’m not trying to become a smut, and I kinda was all over Louisiana earlier in the evening. ( Story later)
So I wanted to be in a relationship, and now I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to be caught up, and I don’t want to be out of the loop.

I wish things were a little less complex, than what they currently are!

Thought of the day: Smuts

So, Everyone loves a smut. STAMPED... However, I'm not sure I want to be a smut. The life a smut leads is very entertaining for a plethora of reasons. She always has a story to tell. She walks a thin line between being found out and keeping her shit low key. She can have a nigga on deck in no time. Thing is, half the females on this planet have smutted, considered smutting, or are smutting right now.There are very few who have remained good girls, and don't get loose ever every once in awhile. You don't just become a smut and go back to being a good girl though. Once a smut, always a smut. That's like a a recovering crackhead is always a crackhead, when the vice is present their bodies shiver and shake trying to fight it. Is sex too, not an addiction?

And it was said Best in the interlude " The Morning After"

" She ain't a hoe, she just knows what she wants out of life"-andre 3000

I was gettin' some head.

So have you ever had a conversation with a guy, that casual conversation about what you are both willing and unwilling to do. So the most common complaint or refusal of service is head.

I know this because I too, was one of those. " EWWWW, That's nasty" Type of girls. Not to say it is something that I do regularly or with everyone( I'm pretty selective). I just don't think that it is meant to be done with everyone, some people are saving it for marriage, but they gladly receive the service. I think that is kinda selfish.I am in no way condoning it, but to each his own.

What I think is funny is the main ones who protest it, and say how nasty it is are the main ones who do it. Stop lying people. If you give head, you give head. That doesn't make you any less of a man, or any less of a woman. You just like making people happy and you like being made happy. How dumb does it sound to say, "I enjoy getting head. But Nope, I never gave it". SMH... Good luck convincing others of that...

And if you really have never given head, well... don't knock it until you have tried it. Guys stop lying in front of your boys talking about, " I don't do that".... like hell you don't... lls. Be the one to give it first too! Trust me, there is not a position called 69 for nothing, if people weren't doing it, it would not be so popular or a "must try" position.Me? I don't particularly like it. I can't focus on me, if i'm trying to please you. It's like a conflict of interest.Anywho I was asked to do this a few days ago, politely declined. I don't like it, like I said to each his own.

Please brush your teeth afterwards! PEACE!

Stranger Things have happened....

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Wreckless...

Okay,is it just me or as females are we collectively loosing our damn minds?

Once upon a time I was a home wrecker and proud of it lol. ( Will write that blog at a later date.) Well I never " consumated" that so it wasn't really home wrecking it was more so emotional than physical. Lol... after that( again you will have to read that blog when it goes up) I told myself I was never going to aid a black man in disrespecting another black woman...Well i was 18 then and clearly am 21 now. I had to make some decisions then and think some things out then for future references. Here is what i came up with.

A. You are not special. You are not the entree', at the end of the day... who is he with? Not you!Don't try that bs.
B. You may think that because he is leaving her to be with you, that you are special. Well you may be special, but doesn't he leave his girl to chill with his boys? Yep.
C. You try to tell yourself that he is gonna leave her for you, cuz you are the Sugar Honey Iced Tea. Can I slap the hell outta you? If he was gonna leave her, he woulda been done left right? Smarten up!
D. Here's my fave. Why do you want him? If he is cheating on her with you,won't he cheat on you with someone else? Listen to Ginuwine's song " What's so different"... and really ask yourself, What is so different?
E. Silly chicks are so eager talking about I'll take your man, if he'll stray over some easy jump, then I don't want him.

So this is the reason, I chose to keep guys as friends, and not pursue relations or relationships with them. Life is less complex that way. As long as you can decipher what is going on for what it really is then you good. It's when you think you can change the playa, when your game get's busted.

Number 2 has a lot to prove... hmmmm

So where to begin... Ahhh I think I'll start here...

So there was this guy who I met my sophomore year, he was a freshman and it was no big deal, because he seemed like a cool kid and there was no attraction whatsoever.( On my part) So fast forward to Sept. 2008 he's still him, I'm still me. Except one day we actually have this conversation about my past . He is intrigued and reveals to me that he had written in my honesty box over the summer. So I'm like, ok and what did you say?... hmmm...ughh...that's okay I'll wait. He expects me to guess. I'm not one for guessing games. I was like whatever, I don't care. ( Even though i really wanted to know.) Then this dude is like **** TRUE STORY**** " I had like a crush on you". I thought that was cute, cause at the time I was dealing with the infamous dude from last semester.Any who, he was trying to get it in. I wasn't, cause I mean why? Just cause a dude likes you or says he does, don't mean for you to get all loose booty Judy on everyone. So at this point i was like, so what is it that you like about me. Some stuff about, I'm not smutting ...blah-se-blah. I'm thinkin' whatever.(It's just my mentality in general when it comes to guys)

He however is very persistent and I'm resistant. Plus I know there is something he is trying to keep on the low. I don't know ,maybe like the fact that he has a boo.( Did I say that?) Anyway makes me no difference, because I don't plan on ever sealing the deal. I go ahead and engage in mindless banter of the "what could be's and what ain't gone be's " we agree that we are going to be cool no matter what happens. (*lies, all lies!)

Months go by, and the answer still remained a resounding no.

We now are in 2009... Blame it on the Alcohol... Jamie Foxx just gave everyone a perfect excuse. Any way, things have changed drastically.Honestly I'm not gonna say that he is the only one acting dumb,I was too. I realized I was being rude, so i stopped being rude.It is what it is, and it's life. No need being sad and blue. I knew the situation and so did you.

***
Update: So many wondered what went down in the first place... Here's part 1