Loving you is like a battle...

And we both end up with scars...


Vixen told me that Thing 1 and I should just get it in and get it over with. Trust me, I have thought about it... O have I thought about it, but the truth of the matter sometimes after sex I feel some type of way. I don't want a repeat situation of Number 1. I knew better than to even go down that road...

The last couple of days have been really difficult for me... I feel like a kid with ADHD, my attention is not fixed on any one thing. I want to focus on things, but there is so much stuff going on that I can't just focus on one thing at a time. So here is the thing, Number 2 is going to get his own little story so I will reserve that for later. I don’t really know what the situation with that is, and I am not ready to deal with it right now, as immature as that sounds I am not ready.

Thing 1 is well, I want him in my life, but at the same time, I don’t. He is the type of guy you are intrigued by and want to know more about. At the same time he puts you at arm’s length, and doesn’t want you to get too close. I don’t know how to deal with him, so I just don’t. I like/liked him as much as I hate to admit it, it’s true. I sometimes revert to my inner female and read too deeply into situations. True enough we had an insane evening a few weeks back, but that is where it ends. That’s all that is ever going to be, because I look at his statuses on facebook ( lol… I’m not stalking, they pop up in the mini-feed) and he is always referring to “Her”… Who the Eff is she? Because He says things that can not possibly be in reference to me(or are they?), so I’m thinking in my mind “ He a hoe ass nigga”… cuz if this chick is oh so important, why are you getting with me? And not on some light weight stuff, I’m talking about crazy sexual energy. More so, than I have ever experienced in my 21 years…I mean last weekend we were supposed to get together, but… I still have that thing about being a jump off, and I’m not trying to become a smut, and I kinda was all over Louisiana earlier in the evening. ( Story later)
So I wanted to be in a relationship, and now I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to be caught up, and I don’t want to be out of the loop.

I wish things were a little less complex, than what they currently are!

Computer Love!!!

Okay, so I am one of those people who is like uhm, talking to some random on the internet as a means of a relationship is so weird. Lol, I know not everyone can be met and be right infront of your face. I think that you can find a meaningful relationship on the internet. I just don't think that it is for me. I tried it before and I am not gonna lie I really liked the kid.

It was The summer before college, I was working ridiculous hours and I didn't have much time with my friends, but i did have time to get on Tagged.com. Tagged was the business for me, before myspace, and my addiction to facebook. I met this guy and he was really cool, the thing is we were in two different states. So We continued talking for hours each night via yahoo messenger. He went to School in New York and I went to school in VA, so with college came a little bit of a distance. Then I started meeting real guys lol. That was that.

One day I went to delete some of my old accounts and saw all the messages and saw how close we had really gotten. If we were infront of each other I think it would have prolly been a match lol. I messaged him on facebook, and was like Hey, long time no speak( we are juniors now) and he didn't respond. I was like whatever it was no biggie. Then He wrote on my wall on my Birthday talking about " Hey, Happy Birthday, it's been awhile". I was like wow, it's been so long...I haven't messaged him back yet, but i was wondering what would have been? lol.

So if you find love or something a lot like it, it should not matter if it is online, on campus, or off. Do you. Don't worry about what others say, unless the person you chating with is a serial killer( Be careful, not desperate) lol