Loving you is like a battle...

And we both end up with scars...


Vixen told me that Thing 1 and I should just get it in and get it over with. Trust me, I have thought about it... O have I thought about it, but the truth of the matter sometimes after sex I feel some type of way. I don't want a repeat situation of Number 1. I knew better than to even go down that road...

The last couple of days have been really difficult for me... I feel like a kid with ADHD, my attention is not fixed on any one thing. I want to focus on things, but there is so much stuff going on that I can't just focus on one thing at a time. So here is the thing, Number 2 is going to get his own little story so I will reserve that for later. I don’t really know what the situation with that is, and I am not ready to deal with it right now, as immature as that sounds I am not ready.

Thing 1 is well, I want him in my life, but at the same time, I don’t. He is the type of guy you are intrigued by and want to know more about. At the same time he puts you at arm’s length, and doesn’t want you to get too close. I don’t know how to deal with him, so I just don’t. I like/liked him as much as I hate to admit it, it’s true. I sometimes revert to my inner female and read too deeply into situations. True enough we had an insane evening a few weeks back, but that is where it ends. That’s all that is ever going to be, because I look at his statuses on facebook ( lol… I’m not stalking, they pop up in the mini-feed) and he is always referring to “Her”… Who the Eff is she? Because He says things that can not possibly be in reference to me(or are they?), so I’m thinking in my mind “ He a hoe ass nigga”… cuz if this chick is oh so important, why are you getting with me? And not on some light weight stuff, I’m talking about crazy sexual energy. More so, than I have ever experienced in my 21 years…I mean last weekend we were supposed to get together, but… I still have that thing about being a jump off, and I’m not trying to become a smut, and I kinda was all over Louisiana earlier in the evening. ( Story later)
So I wanted to be in a relationship, and now I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to be caught up, and I don’t want to be out of the loop.

I wish things were a little less complex, than what they currently are!

Give them what they want

Many people have asked me why I haven't talked about my encounters with Number 2. Well here it is...Well here is part one. anyway....

I went out of town a few months ago, and had a blast at a popular night spot with my girls and some new friends.We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves,I guess you could say that this was the type of event where everyone is blaming things on the alcohol. Not gonna lie we were on that ciroc obama,Tipsy but not gone. *Earlier there were chicks in line throwing up from sipping a lil somethin too much.* Anyways, Number two had been wanting the business for months and I hadn't had sex in like a year, so I was like... Whatever why not? A few text messages were exchanged. He was upset with me, because when he had seen me earlier in the hotel lobby. I didn't give him a hug. So I replied " All you want is a hug?" He knows me, and knew that at times i bluff. He said something to the effect of " I want the hug, because you aren't going to do anymore." Maybe I was turned on, by the fact he told me I wasn't going to do something. It was almost as if it was a challenge. so I replied " Say what you want, you may just get it." This was all around 12... FAST FORWARD We didn't end up meeting up in his room until like 4:30 or 5... I was plenty pissed by this time because hella groupies had followed us there. Ended up getting it in the Bathroom. Which I have a thing for places so it was no biggie for me. I like the risk of being caught, it heightens the senses. Anywho.We had to be discreet because he told me he had a boo, and I have a plethora of young men on the roster, but none of them are getting the business. So It looked bad on both parts, he however lied. She is not just boo, she is girlfriend. And if you have read the blog you know I despise getting in the middle of people's relationships.

Did i mention I lost my voice and had to whisper? Lol...he was like " are you sure you want to do this?"... Pause- Does a crackhead want crack?-resume.
I was yeah. So it began.

Did I mention I hadn't had sex in like a year, and Number one was not in the magnum club? Anyways, number two is and anyone who has gotten it in in the bathroom before know what you are dealing with. I still had my 6 inch heels( that were ready to come off) He sat on toilet and I got on... I like being in control for some reason. Excuse the rest- It hurt like hell, I felt like a brand new virgin. After i got used to it, I was good. Now,we catch a rhythem but he wants to hit it from the back, so we do that for awhile. The guy likes just switching it up, I had no problem with that... So I was like okay cool... then he was like let's 69...

PAUSE
( I had never given head before, I had recieved)

I was like ehhhh... but What the hell? Why not right? So we getting it, and he decided that he just wanted to give me head...so I let him, and I came. So it was all good. I got mine, so the ordeal was sealed. But then he's like " Can I taste you again?... ( Head twice in one night?Sure. Let me reinterate I can't make this shit up) Anyway, after that we pretty much parted ways, and forgive me if I was not as detailed with this as I was with Thing 1... I just can't remember it all in detail. But Part 2 is more recent.A lil over a month ago. That was an adventure lls.

Okay, well maybe a little bit.

I realized that while i enjoy sex, it probably hasn't been the best it could be. I haven't been with too many guys, 2( Well actual penetration, the number would be much higher if i counted head and the vaious other things i got out of ordeals). I don't know how I feel about upping that number without the prescence of a relationship this time around. I found myself having this conversation with Thing1 the other night(yes, i did take the blog down for awhile,but it is back up!)

I was initially really annoyed that this guy that seemed pretty interested was stunting hard on me. Usually, well as has been the case of late, I attract a lot of male attention. I am at times really unsure of myself and how i feel about a particular situations.I can be very unapproachable. I am kinda in this phase where I don't want a jumpoff/bussit nor do i want to be one.

I told Thing 1 this the other night during a conversation, but He refused to tell me what his thoughts on the situation really were... Which really bothered me, so I pulled one of my spoiled moments and was like " Whatever,let's just drop the subject and never bring it up again." I can't stand when a person expects me to tell them how i really feel, but then not want to explain themselves. All he said was " Now you know what guys go thru"... Whatever...I guess patience is a virtue, and blessings come with patience.This one I'm leaving alone for awhile, because well with Swag in his ear,Thing 2, and the fact that I am a busy body on the table.He has to question my motives, and if I were him I would question me too.

So on chill mode for now, He'll contact me, when he is ready to talk... I'm not going to contact him after Saturday's fiasco (see HollabackGirl)

She like the group, call her a groupie.

So this dude is really entertaining me. Not because he is gassing my head up, but because i thought that once you reached a certain age you were, well, I don't know mature. Any who this guy basically interpreted my compliment as me flirting, and I prolly was, but anyways he thinks i like him. Proceeds to tell people( mind you we are 21 now)that i like him. Then this dumb broad who tried to destroy my life is like, you know she likes your friend too(Thing2)... wait pause... since when does inquiring what a dude is about misconstrued as me liking him? So okay fast forward, he starts acting funny, convo is dumb, and I'm like whatever.I keeps it moving boo.

Then this chick i know comes up to me tellin' me about how i was tryna get down with him and his boy. I'm thinking" What the F*ck?" lol... Does this even sound logical to you? Yeah me either. So I laugh it off and start distancing myself, only a fool addresses rumors. One day one of my home boys(number 2) wants to have a conversation and i am like whatever, why not? We proceed to leave the setting we were in and go to a place where we can have the convo, so we get up to leave. My girl sends me this text message talking about " Be careful *Thing 1 and Thing 2 are following you." I turn around and sure enough these dudes done seen me leave with Number 2 and are following us. I laugh cause it is funny and proceed to have my conversation. Yeah uhm we are 21 & following people? I didn't know I was of concern?

* I wish this were the end of the story, but all i can say is "developing" cuz there is so much to tell. I think I'm going to call this "the groupie series"!